Lair of Lith

Duel of Ages II Card Generator

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Harry S. Plinkitt

by garyvanhorn

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Star Wars: The Phantom Menace was the most disappointing thing since my son. I mean, how much more could you possibly %^&$ up the entire backstory to Star Wars? And while my son eventually hanged himself in the bathroom of a gas station, the unfortunate reality of the Star Wars prequels is that they'll be around. Forever. They will never go away. They can never be undone. And if you're someone under the age of like, 20, who says his least favorite film of the series was The Empire Strikes Back because it was "the most boring-est one", then I suggest you shut this review off right now, before I carefully explain to you how much of a %$^&ing idiot you are.

So where do I possibly start? Nothing in The Phantom Menace makes any sense at all. It comes off like a script written by an 8-year-old. It's like Lucas finished the script in one draft, and they decided to go with it without anyone saying it made no sense at all or was a stupid, incoherent mess. I guess at this point who's going to question George, or tell him what to do? He controls every aspect of the movie. Probably got rid of those people that questioned him creatively a long time ago. I also think that everyone just assumed a new Star Wars movie would be an instant hit, regardless of what the plot was. Really, how hard could it be to screw up? It's like screwing up mashed potatoes: you boil the water, pour in the packet--

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Harry S. Plinkitt
The Movie Critic
Modern / Strange Times / Icon / Man

5 speed
4 health
7 wits
3 melee
2 power
2 damage
2 aim
4 point
5 throw
3 react
4 stealth
2 armor
2 strength
4 intellect
3 honor
3 respect

Cards
0 common, 0 secret, 0 elite, 0 henchmen

Bonuses

Special Abilities

The plot doesn't make any sense. Gains +3 on any Adventure Challenge where Plinkett gains no bonus for Setting or Circle. (80 adventure)

The character's don't make any sense. After revealing the Guardian on an Adventure Challenge, Plinkett may place an allied character in his space. That ally may then challenge instead of Plinkett and Plinkett is Dismissed. (150 adventure)

Is my VCR fixed yet? May not repair destroyed base sites. (-10 adventure)

Value Breakdown:

Survival: 92.2
Ranged: 57
Melee: 66.0
Adventure: 285
TOTAL: 500.2

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